NOTE: This story was originally posted for the “Make Johnny Fall” Contest on Junior’s Journals. Thanks Redgirl! :)

The Loss

By: Cheryl

“Chet! Hey, Chet!” Johnny Gage peeked over the hood of the squad tossing his buffer rag at the firefighter. “Chet!”

Chet Kelly flinched as the rag beaned him in the back of the head. He swatted at it irritably. “Gage! Knock it off! What do you want?”

Johnny frowned, a mock look on injury passing over his face. “Jeez, try to help a guy and this is the thanks I get. Grouch!”

Chet spun around slowly, glaring at Johnny. “Help? You hit me in the head with a dirty rag and claim to be helping me?” He hurtled the rag back at Johnny, who dodged it easily.

Johnny smiled back, a mischievous glint dancing in his eyes. “Where’s your badge, Chet?”

Chet’s head dropped in horror as he stared at his chest. “Oh no! I must’ve forgotten it when I changed shirts!”

“Nice going, Chet,” Marco piped up, “Cap catches you without it one more time and you’ll be latrine officer for the rest of your career.”

“I can see it now,” Mike interjected quietly, “Battalion Chief Kelly scrubbing toilets.”

Chet just glared at them. “This is all your fault, Marco.”

“My fault? How is it my fault you lost your badge again?”

“I told you not to turn that chili on high,” Chet said, pointing at Marco. “But did you listen to me? Nooo…you went and turned it up anyway!”

“Well, I wouldn’t have had to turn it up if you hadn’t kept taking the lid off and checking on it every five seconds.” Marco’s voice rose in pitch.

“Hey! I was hungry! I just wanted to see if it was done!” Chet placed his hand on his hips. “Besides, Marco, you NEVER turn chili on high. You’re supposed to cook it on low for several hours instead.”

Marco rolled his eyes. “Great. An Irishman telling a Mexican how to make chili. Now I’ve seen it all.”

“Well if you’d do it right in the first place I wouldn’t have to say anything.” Chet retorted.

Marco just turned back to the engine muttering emphatically to himself in his native tongue. Chet didn’t understand very much Spanish, but from Marco’s tone of voice, he got the general idea.

“This is serious!” Chet continued, amidst the snickers from the rest of the crew. “Anyone seen it anywhere?” He looked from face to face pleadingly.

“Maybe it’s in your locker, Chet.” Roy calmly walked around from behind the squad.

Chet’s face brightened. “Yeah, that has to be it. Thanks Roy!” He dashed off towards the locker room.

“Good job, Roy!” Johnny whispered loudly, a smile creeping onto his face.

Roy stared hard at his partner. Uh-oh. He watched as Johnny’s trademark ‘I’m up to something.’ smile settled over his face.

“I didn’t think you’d go along with this one, Roy!”

Roy crinkled his eyebrows. “What one? What are you talking about, Johnny?”

Johnny rolled his eyes. “The joke! I told you about it this morning. I swear, sometimes you just don’t listen to me!”

Roy thought back, remembering the constant stream of chatter that Johnny had assaulted him with earlier in the day. Only sometimes? He let that one go. “What joke? I just sent him to find his badge.”

“Riiight!” Johnny winked at him. He motioned for everyone to follow him as he tiptoed towards the locker room doorway. “Watch this!” Johnny whispered, peeking into the room.

Chet walked up to his locker, sending a silent prayer to anyone listening. Please be here! Chet pulled open the door to his locker and was immediately assaulted by a mass of dead weight.

“AHHH!” The face of the rescue dummy, which was staring him in the eyes, muffled his voice. It had been positioned perfectly; legs folded behind it like springs, so when an unsuspecting Chet opened the door, it sprang right on him.

Chet jumped backwards, tripping over the bench in the process. He landed hard on his backside, the dummy falling on top of him, her pink dress billowing. Chet scrambled around, trying to disentangle himself from the amorous dummy, amidst a chorus of giggles from the doorway.

Johnny brushed a hand across his mouth, choking back a laugh. “Would you and your girlfriend like to be alone, Chet?”

“Yeah, Chet,” Mike interjected, clearing his throat to stifle his amusement, “you two sure do make a cute couple.” The laughter around him, which had been dying down, redoubled.

Chet glared briefly at Mike before turning his cold stare on Johnny. Chet stood up, grabbing the dummy by the arm. “Very funny, Gage. I’ll just go put her away.” He walked past the group of snickering firemen, dragging the dummy behind him like a giant rag doll. He paused, looking back at Johnny. “Just remember: The Phantom is everywhere.” Chet continued out the door.

Captain Hank Stanley walked out of his office, pausing as he watched a red faced Chet drag the rescue dummy towards the supply cabinet. Good Lord, what now? “Kelly what’s…” Hank started, but he was interrupted by the tones.

“Station 51, Station 10. Structure fire, 1730 Wilmington. 1-7-3-0 Wilmington; cross street 2^nd, time out 13:42.”

Johnny grabbed the bar on top of the squad, pulling his feet up and swinging around the back of the vehicle as Chet dropped the dummy by the supply cabinet. Chet joined Marco and Mike as they jogged to the engine.

Hank skidded to a stop next to the radio, grabbing the mike as he jotted down the response. “Station 51, KMG 365,” he replied, tearing the response sheet from the pad. He turned around and handed a copy through the window of the squad to his paramedics, before trotting around the front of the vehicle, to the waiting engine.

In the squad, Roy thrust the response slip towards Johnny, who was busy plotting the fastest route to the fire.

“Hang a right, then go left at the first light, Roy.” Johnny said, grabbing the slip, his eyes never leaving the district map book.

Roy nodded, pulling the squad out of the station as he hit the reds. Behind him Mike followed suit as the engine followed them out of the station.

Station 51 was the first on the scene. Before them, a large two-story house was smoking threateningly. Flame was visible through the ground level windows and smoke was leaking out through the roof.

Captain Stanley grabbed the radio; the engine’s compression breaks hissing as Mike parked the big rig. “LA, Engine 51. We have a large two-story house partially involved. Continue Station 10.”

“10-4, Engine 51,” dispatch responded.

Hank stepped down from the engine, turning to Chet and Marco. “Kelly, Lopez, pull an inch and a half and go in through the front.” Hank turned back around and was nearly knocked over by an hysterical woman.

“I called you!” She grabbed his arm, “I live across the street. I saw the smoke and dialed your number immediately.”

“Thank you ma’am. You did the right thing,” Hank said in placating tones as he attempted to step around the woman.

She shadowed Hank, not letting him get by. “No! Please, you don’t understand! Mrs. Franks and her husband are in there!”

Hank froze, locking eyes with the woman. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m positive! Lena…Mrs. Franks and I talked on the phone this morning. She said her husband was feeling ill, and both of them were going to stay home today.”

Hank lifted his head, spying his two paramedics. He waved them over, turning his attention back to the woman in front of him. “Ma’am, do you have any idea where in the house they may be?”

The woman paused, thinking. “The master bedroom. It’s at the end of the hall, on the second floor.”

Johnny and Roy jogged up to Hank, shrugging into their equipment as Stanley filled them in on the situation.

The two paramedics pulled on their masks. “We’ll find them, Cap,” Johnny said as he trotted after Roy.

Hank sighed, staring at the rapidly spreading fire. “Be careful you two!” he called after them. He directed the neighbor woman away from the burning house, as Station 10’s engine and squad reached the scene.

Johnny and Roy entered the burning structure through the front door. “Chet! Chet!” Johnny lifted his mask, yelling to his friend, who was busy dousing the fire.

Chet stepped over to them, his attention never leaving the fire. “What?”

“There are some people trapped in here. Keep your eyes open, okay?” Johnny replied.

Chet shook his head. “I haven’t seen anyone on this side of the house.”

Johnny nodded. Neither man mentioned that if anyone was on the other side of the first floor, they were dead. The fire was out of control over there.

The two paramedics charged up the stairs two at a time. They reached the top, gazing down the long, smoke filled hallway. There were open doors on each side of the hall, but at the end the large master bedroom door was closed. Johnny and Roy exchanged glances and quickly walked down the hallway. Johnny was in the lead, with Roy a step behind him.

As Johnny reached the halfway point, the floor under his feet creaked ominously. He froze, Roy bumping into him. “Whoa!” he exclaimed, stretching his arms out.

Roy felt the floor under his feet do the same as he, too, froze in place.

Johnny turned his head around to his partner. “This floor is really unstable.” He shouted trying to be heard through his mask.

Roy nodded in agreement. “Yeah.” He rocked back and forth slightly, feeling the floor shift under his weight. “We’d better take it slow and easy.” Both men cautiously stepped forward, making their way to the master bedroom.

They opened the door spotting an unconscious Mr. Franks on the bed. Roy made his way to the man, as Johnny searched the adjacent rooms for the wife. Roy quickly hoisted Mr. Franks over his back in a fireman’s carry and headed for the door, Johnny joining him. Roy looked at his partner. “Well?”

Johnny shook his head. “She’s not in here. I’ll stay behind and search the other rooms.”

“Okay. I’ll send in either Tony or Dale to help you,” Roy said, naming Squad 10’s paramedics. He carefully made his way down the hall, the unstable floor creaking under the added weight. Be careful, Johnny. Roy sent a silent request to his partner as he exited the house, trotting towards the squad.

Tony Marks and Dale Follman spotted Roy coming towards them. They quickly grabbed their equipment and met him on the lawn. As Dale helped Roy lower the man to the ground and began taking his vitals, Tony looked around. “Where’s Hummer?” he asked, referring to Johnny. Tony and Johnny had been friends for years. In fact, Tony had dubbed him ‘Hummer’ when they were still partners at 10’s before the birth of the paramedic program. Tony used to say that Johnny always flitted around the station like a hummingbird. From then on, the nickname had stuck.

Roy shrugged his air tank off and placed the resuscitator mask over the unconscious man’s face, adjusting the flow. “He’s still inside looking for the other victim.”

Tony turned and looked at the burning house. He pursed his lips in concern.

Cap trotted up, catching the tail end of the conversation. “Marks, go help Gage search.”

Tony didn’t have to be asked twice. He put on his mask, trotting towards the house.

“Watch the second level floor,” Roy cautioned, “its really unstable.”

Tony waved his hand in acknowledgement as he ran into the burning house.

“Ambulance is on the way, Roy,” Cap said, motioning additional men and hoses into the house. “How is he?”

Roy looked at Dale, who shrugged. “His vitals seem okay, probably just a bad case of smoke inhalation.”

Suddenly a woman broke through the police line, running towards the paramedics and their victim.

“Oh my God…Bob!” she cried, dropping to her knees next to the man.

Cap reached down, gently pulling her out of the paramedics’ way.

“Ma’am, do you know this gentleman?” he asked.

There was fear in the woman’s eyes as she looked up at the Captain. “Of course I know him, he’s my husband! I just ran to the drug store. I was only gone for a few minutes! Is he going to be okay?”

Hank’s jaw dropped as he made eye contact with Roy. “If she’s his wife…” His voice trailed off.

Roy abandoned the biophone receiver as he picked up the sentence. “Then Johnny and Tony…” He never finished the thought as Hank ripped his HT from his pocket.

“Engine 51 to Squad 51.” Hank barked, eyeing the rapidly spreading fire. “Gage, Marks, the woman’s been located. Get the hell out of there!”

Johnny was just exiting a room when he heard the Captain’s order. “10-4, Engine 51,” he replied. Johnny crossed the hallway to the adjacent room, where Tony was searching. He lifted his mask. “Tony!”

Hearing his name, Tony pivoted around. “What? Did you find her?”

Johnny shook his head. “She’s been located outside. Let’s get out of here!”

Tony nodded in agreement. “Right behind you Hummer!”

Johnny smiled briefly at the familiar nickname as he turned to head out the door. Something’s never change.

Johnny cautiously walked out the door and headed towards the staircase, confident that Tony was right behind him. A loud crash caused Johnny to spin around. “What was…” Johnny started. He expected Tony to be right behind him, but the paramedic from 10’s was nowhere to be seen. Johnny’s gut wrenched. “Tony!” he yelled trotting back towards the last place he had seen his friend.

“JOHNNY! HELP!” Tony’s frightened voice echoed through the hallway.

Johnny broke into a run, skidding to a stop in front of the last room they’d been in. His eyes widened in horror. The floor had buckled under Tony’s weight, and the fireman was slipping through a large jagged hole. He was barely holding on and all Johnny could see was Tony’s torso, which was slowly following his legs through the hole.

“Tony! Hang on!” Johnny stepped forward, the unstable floor creaking under his feet. The muffled sound of his HT drifted out of Johnny’s pocket. He recognized Chet’s voice.

“Engine 51, this is Kelly. We have a firefighter who’s partially fallen through the second level floor. We’re able to keep the fire away, but we’ll need assistance to rescue him.”

“10-4, Kelly,” Cap responded.

Johnny continued to edge forward, listening to the conversation as he went. He pushed down his desperate feelings, determined to remain calm. “Hang on, Tony, I’m almost to you and help’s on the way.”

Tony’s arms were shaking in an effort not to fall, but there wasn’t anything for him to hang on to. His gloved hands were slipping across the floor as he was gradually loosing his battle with gravity.

Johnny slowly lowered himself onto all fours, crawling towards his friend. “Hold on, Tony.” His voice shook slightly, as panic gripped his throat.

Tony’s breath was coming in ragged gasps now. “Hummer, I can’t…”

“Yes you can! Just hold on!” Johnny reached for his friend, his outstretched hand straining to get hold of Tony’s hand, his turnout or anything that would keep him from falling. Just a little further…Johnny’s shaking hand was inches from Tony’s arm.

“Hummer, please…JOHNNNNY!” Tony’s terror filled shout echoed up through the hole, as the floor under his hands buckled and he disappeared.

Johnny lunged out in vain, trying to catch his friend. “TONY! NOOOO!” Johnny screamed as he watched his friend fall. For an instant, Johnny and Tony’s eyes met. Tony’s eyes begged Johnny to save him…then he was gone, his body disappearing in the smoke. Johnny’s whole body sagged, his head dropping into his arms, shaking in disbelief. He closed his eyes in pain, the last image of Tony’s face burned into his memory. A commotion behind him told Johnny that the help he so desperately needed had arrived a moment too late.

Johnny suddenly felt as if he was floating. His stomach lurched as he felt the floor under him give way. Tony. His conscious mind faded into blackness.

Chet and Marco ducked as pieces of the ceiling rained down on them. They watched in horror as first one fireman, and then the other broke through the ceiling above. Chet turned and looked at Marco who was pulling the HT out of Chet’s pocket, while Chet continued to keep the flames at bay behind the injured paramedics.

“Engine 51, this is Lopez. We have a Code I time two. Marks and Gage both fell through the floor. We need paramedic assistance immediately!” Marco turned his head to see 3 firemen storm down the stairs and head towards their injured comrades, hoping they were alive.

Chet didn’t know who was who. Both Marks and Gage had similar body types and between the bulky turnout coats, and the SCBA gear, Chet couldn’t tell them apart. He turned his head to see Roy charge through the front door, followed by two more firemen carrying backboards. Roy headed straight to the first victim. Two of the firemen already present had removed the injured man’s breathing gear, rolled him over and were performing CPR. Chet looked closely and recognized the features of Tony Marks. He glanced over at Johnny. Another fireman was monitoring his vitals, occasionally glancing at Tony in concern.

Roy looked around, assessing the situation. “Okay, let’s roll them onto backboards and get them out of here!” The firemen quickly and carefully secured their companions to the backboards and exited the burning building.

Chet watched them go, his stomach in knots. Hang in there, guys. He prayed silently turning his attention back to the fire.

Roy and the assisting firemen trotted across the lawn with their precious cargo. One of the firemen looked over at Roy. “Where’s Dale?”

Roy shook his head. “He rode in with the inhalation victim. I’m the only one here.”

The men carefully set the two backboards down in what had become the triage area.

Roy glanced briefly at his unconscious partner. Hold on, Johnny. He focused his attention back onto Tony Marks whom, at the moment, was the most critical case. Roy began his assessment of Tony.

Cap trotted up to the triage area, staring down at both injured men. “Squad 16 is on the way, Roy. How are they?” Cap clenched his jaw as he saw Roy visibly sag, dropping his head.

Roy reached out and grabbed the arms of the fireman valiantly performing CPR. “It’s no use. His neck’s broken. He’s dead.” Roy took a deep breath and turned around to attend to Johnny.

Hank glanced over at the Captain of 10’s, who had just joined him. “Rick…”

Captain Rick Middleton inhaled deeply. “Damn.” He motioned to his three men, who were still gathered around Tony. “Men, we’ve got a fire to put out. Come on.” The three men silently followed their Captain away.

Roy leaned over his partner, taking vitals. He looked up at one of the men assisting him. “Get him on 6 liters O₂, okay?” Johnny moaned, gradually regaining consciousness.

“Johnny?” Roy inquired, “Johnny can you hear me?”

The injured paramedic moaned again. His eyes fluttered open. “Roy?”

“I’m right here, Johnny. You’re going to be okay.”

“Tony?” Johnny tried to lift his head. He grimaced in pain as Roy held him down.

“Lay still, Johnny. You took a nasty fall. Don’t worry about Tony right now. Where do you hurt?”

“My head, my leg.” Johnny moaned in pain again.

“Which leg, Johnny?” Roy asked.

“Left…femur.” Johnny mumbled.

Roy gently palpated Johnny’s leg, feeling for a break. As his hand progressed down the bone, Johnny suddenly inhaled sharply.

“That’s it,” he said through clenched teeth. “I think it’s broken.”

Roy looked up at Hank. “Cap, I’m going to need the traction splint.”

Hank nodded. “You got it, pal.” He jogged to the squad, grabbing the traction splint and a yellow blanket. He returned, giving the splint to Roy as he tore open the plastic bag around the blanket. Hank shook it apart, gently covering the body of Tony Marks with it. He looked over at Johnny, thankful that the injured paramedic was turned away, so he couldn’t see Tony. Gage didn’t need that right now.

Roy grabbed the biophone receiver. “Rampart this is Squad 51.”

“This is Rampart, go ahead 51.” Dr. Morton’s voice answered Roy.

“Rampart we have two male victims. First victim is…Code F. Second victim fell through the floor of a two-story house. No apparent neck or back injury but we have him on a backboard as a precaution. Victim has a probable broken left femur and a probable concussion. Vital signs are; pulse 106, respirations 20, BP is 130/90. Pupils are sluggish, but reactive. We’ve immobilized his leg with a traction splint and have him on 6 liters O₂.”

“51, start an IV D₅W-TKO, and transport immediately.” Mike Morton replied.

“10-4, Rampart, IV D₅W-TKO.”

Johnny reached up, grabbing at the O₂ mask on his face. He pulled it down. “Roy, Tony?” he asked.

Roy reached down, replacing the mask on Johnny’s face. “Don’t worry about that right now, Johnny, just relax.”

Too weak to argue, Johnny just nodded.

Roy quickly started the IV and Johnny was placed in the waiting stretcher. As the ambulance sped off to Rampart, Roy briefly glanced out the back at the smoldering remains of the house. How am I ever going to tell him that Tony’s dead?

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Roy walked out of Treatment 1, sighing heavily. Dr. Morton had shooed him out as the Doctor and his team took over the care of Johnny.

“I’ll find you when I know something, okay?” Dr. Morton had said.

Roy glanced over at the waiting area and paused. Dale Follman was sitting in the corner, hunched over, head in his hands has he stared at the floor.

Roy sighed. Someone has to tell him. He walked over. “Dale? You okay?” He asked.

Dale looked up at Roy, his teary eyes filled with a pained expression.

Roy recoiled. My God, he knows!

“Roy…hi. How’s Johnny?” Dale whispered, his voice tight with emotion.

“I think he’s going to be okay, Morton’s in there with him now.”

“Well, if Morton’s taking care of him he’ll heal fast, just to get away,” Dale said in a failed attempt at humor.

“Dale…” Roy started, but the other man interrupted him.

“It’s funny, Roy, how fast death can take over. One minute your partner’s there and the next, poof, he’s gone.” Dale looked away from Roy, staring at the opposite wall, trying to compose himself.

“How did you know?” Roy asked, knowing that Dale had been at the hospital all along.

“I was at the base station when you called in. We didn’t know who was dead and who was alive until you brought Johnny in.”

“Dale, I’m so sorry.” Roy shook his head.

“Hey, it’s not your fault.” Dale’s voice began to shake. “Tony knew the dangers of being a firefighter, we all do. He…” Dale’s voice trailed off. He dropped his head as his shoulders began to shake from weeping.

Roy was at a loss as to what to do. He finally just placed his hand on Dale’s shoulder squeezing gently. “I’m so sorry,” he repeated.

Someone softly clearing their throat caused both men to look up. Mike Morton was standing in front of them.

Dale looked at Roy. “Go on, see how your partner is. I’ll be okay.”

Roy gave Dale’s shoulder one last squeeze as he stood up, following Mike to the other end of the waiting room.

“How is he, Doc?” Roy asked, turning to face the doctor.

“He has a concussion, broken left femur and multiple contusions and bruising across his chest and abdomen. The break in his femur appears to be clean. He’ll be going up to surgery soon to have it set.”

Roy sighed in relief. “Then he’s going to be okay?”

Mike nodded, a faint smile tugging at his mouth. “I think he’ll be fine. Johnny will need physical therapy to rehabilitate his leg, but he should make a full recovery in 6 weeks to two months.”

Roy glanced over at Dale, who hadn’t moved from his spot in the corner. “Someone has to tell him about Tony, Doc,” he whispered.

Mike shook his head, his smile fading. “I know, but, not now, Roy. Wait until Johnny’s through the surgery, and settled in a room.”

Roy nodded. “Can I see him?”

“Sure, but only for a few minutes. He’s scheduled for surgery as soon as possible.”

Both men turned and headed for the treatment room.

As they approached the door Mike reached out, grabbing Roy’s arm. “Remember; nothing about Tony right now okay?”

“Yeah,” Roy replied, pushing the door open. He stuck his head in the room. “Johnny? You up to a visit, partner?”

Johnny slowly turned his head, a faint smile popping up on his face. “Roy, come in.”

Roy smiled back at his partner, trying to be as up beat as possible and to hide any sorrow on his face. “How are you feeling?”

Johnny winced in pain as he shifted slightly on the bed. “I’ve felt better. My leg really hurts.” He locked eyes with his partner. “Roy, no one will tell me how Tony is. How seriously was he hurt?”

Roy looked away. I can’t. I can’t lie to you, Johnny.

Johnny watched the hesitation settle over Roy’s face. “It’s bad, isn’t it?”

Roy nodded. “He was hurt pretty bad, Johnny. But, don’t think about that right now. Just concentrate on yourself, okay?”

“Is he going to be ok? Please, Roy, I have to know.”

“Johnny…” Roy looked at him, trying to think of what to say.

Johnny closed his eyes in pain. His partner’s silence spoke in volumes. “He didn’t make it, did he?” Johnny whispered quietly. He opened his eyes, staring at Roy.

Roy just quietly stood there, not knowing what to say. Johnny and Tony had been friends for as long as Roy could remember. He knew his partner would take this really hard, probably blaming himself in the process. “Johnny, there was nothing you could’ve done,” he said, knowing his words would have little effect on his partner.

Johnny dropped his head. “Yeah, right.”

Just then two orderlies came in to take Johnny to surgery, ending any further conversation. They wheeled him out into the hallway, Roy walking next to the gurney.

Mike Morton joined them staring intently at the expression on Johnny’s face. He looked up at one of the orderlies. “Take him on up, I’ll be there in a minute.” He stopped, motioning for Roy to join him.

Roy looked down at his partner. “I’ll see you after surgery, Johnny.”

Johnny barely acknowledged Roy as he continued to stare at the ceiling.

Roy joined Dr. Morton, knowing what the doctor wanted. “Before you say anything, Doc, Johnny guessed it himself. I didn’t tell him.”

Mike shook his head angrily. “I didn’t want him to know yet, Roy.”

Roy looked at him. “I couldn’t lie to him, Doc. He asked me point blank. When I didn’t say anything, he figured it out.”

Mike pursed his lips. “Right,” he said as he walked away.

Roy walked over to the waiting area and sat down. He no sooner had settled in a chair, than he spotted Marco walking down the ER hallway. He sighed, standing up and walking over to the fireman. I should have known they’d come for me.

“How is he?” Marco asked anxiously as the two men walked out of the ER.

“He’s going to be okay, Marco. He’s got a concussion and broken leg.”

Marco nodded. “Does he know about…” his voice trailed off.

Roy sighed. “Yeah, he knows.”

“And?”

Roy shook his head slowly. “He’s blaming himself.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Roy sighed as he pulled his car door shut and started the engine. The rest of the shift after the house fire had been uneventful, in fact he and Dwyer had never returned to Rampart. Roy had called the hospital the night before to check on Johnny. His partner’s surgery had gone smoothly and the last Roy had heard, Johnny was sleeping off the anesthesia. Roy strapped on his seatbelt over his uniform. He hadn’t even taken the time to change clothes after his shift had ended. He knew Johnny would be over the anesthesia by now and he would be trying to deal with Tony’s death. Roy wanted to be there for him as much as possible. He slowly drove out of the parking lot, heading for Rampart General Hospital.

Roy walked through the doors to the emergency ward of the hospital. He looked up at the base station to see Nurse Dixie McCall at her usual place at the counter. Roy smiled and walked up to her. “Hi, Dix.”

Dixie looked up, a small smile on her face, but sorrow in her eyes. “Hi, Roy. Here to see Johnny?”

Roy nodded. “Yeah, I think he probably needs me right now.”

Dixie’s smile faded. “I think so. I’ve been up there already this morning. Roy, he’s talking about everything except Tony.” Moisture gathered in the corners of Dixie’s eyes, at the mention of Tony’s name. “He won’t deal with it at all.”

Roy gently reached out and covered her hand with his. He squeezed her hand lightly. “Are you okay, Dixie?”

She nodded; wiping her eyes with her other hand. “I’m fine, Roy, thanks. It’s just…well I see you guys almost every day. I get awfully fond of you.” She turned to see Dr. Brackett pop his head out of treatment room two.

“Dix, I need you.” He motioned towards her with his hand. “Hi, Roy.”

Roy waved as Dixie walked towards Brackett. She turned her head back, a small smile gracing her face. “I’ll see you later, Roy.”

**************

Roy smiled slightly at the animated look on Johnny’s face. His partner had been talking non-stop for the last ten minutes about the new nurse that had been taking care of him. Roy’s mind drifted as his partner continued to rattle on. I know the pain is in there, Johnny, no matter how hard you try to hide it, I know it’s there.

“So anyhow, she seems to be real interested in me. Isn’t that great Roy?” Johnny asked, pausing in his monologue. “Roy?” Johnny asked again, when his partner didn’t answer.

Roy jerked. “Huh…yeah, Johnny, that’s great.”

Johnny cocked his head, flashing Roy a crooked smile. “What’s with you today, Roy?”

Roy sighed, looking hard at Johnny. “I think I’m supposed to ask you that question.”

Johnny’s smile faded. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Johnny, you’re not fooling anyone with this act. You’ve got to face Tony’s death. Running away won’t make this any easier.”

Johnny’s eyes turned defensive. “I’m not running away from anything, Roy. I’m just going on with my life, that’s all.”

Roy shook his head. God, you can be so stubborn. “No way, partner. You can’t go on with your life until you deal with your pain. I know it’s in there, Johnny, I can see it every time I look at you.”

Johnny lay back in his bed, turning away from Roy as much as the traction on his leg would allow. “I’m tired, Roy. I’d like to get some sleep now.”

Roy sighed, standing up from his chair. “Okay, Johnny. But think about what I said…and call me anytime if you need to talk, partner.” When Johnny didn’t respond, Roy silently walked out of his room.

**************

Roy glanced over at Brice as the squad slowed down. He watched in irritation as Brice’s foot bounced back and forth between the gas and brake pedals. Craig Brice, who lived his life by the rulebook, insisted on keeping the squad exactly at the speed limit. Roy sighed as the squad once again accelerated.

“Brice, do you have to do that?” Roy knew it was futile to discuss this with his temporary partner, but he was in no mood to just let it go. Multiple shifts with Brice were enough to try anyone’s patience.

Brice glanced over at Roy. “Do what, DeSoto?” He blinked in confusion behind his glasses.

Roy gestured towards Brice’s feet. “That speeding up and slowing down thing you do. It’s making me carsick.”

Brice once again stepped on the brakes. “It’s important to me to obey the laws. The speed limit here is 35. So, I’m just making sure that we adhere to that law, while still using our time efficiently. If I were to drive at 34 miles-per-hour, that would be a waste of time. Whereas, 36 miles-per-hour would be breaking the law.” He stepped lightly on the gas.

Roy clenched his jaw in irritation, turning his attention back out the window. I suppose its a little bit my fault for letting him drive. Roy had surrendered the keys to Brice last shift after enduring his constant critiques on Roy’s driving. Boy do I miss you, Johnny. Roy’s thoughts drifted to his partner. Johnny was still at Rampart and while physically he was recovering faster than expected, emotionally Johnny was having difficulties. Tony’s death was hitting him hard and Roy knew it, even if Johnny refused to discuss it. Roy knew this was tearing his partner apart, but Johnny, being Johnny, had put up barriers and was hiding behind them. Roy’s thoughts were interrupted as Brice turned the squad into the emergency entrance of Rampart General Hospital. He glanced over at Brice.

“Brice, would you mind getting the supplies? I’d like to go visit with Johnny.”

Brice nodded, looking over at Roy. “I suppose so, but you just saw him this morning, DeSoto.”

Roy clenched his teeth. “I know, Brice, but I’d like to see him again, okay?” He jumped out of the squad as Brice turned off the motor.

Roy stalked through the doors into the hospital, not bothering to wait for his partner. God, I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

Dixie McCall looked up from her seat at the base station, just in time to see Roy breeze by her. She crinkled her eyebrows in confusion. It wasn’t like Roy just to pass her by without stopping to say hello. Dixie turned her head to see Brice walking towards her. She smiled, understanding dawning on her. Ah ha. That explains it. Craig Brice is enough to try even the patience of Roy DeSoto.

“Brice.” Dixie nodded at the paramedic. “How are you today?”

Brice pulled a list out of his pocket, setting the drug box on the counter. “Fine, Ms. McCall. I need some supplies, please.” He opened up the neatly folded piece of paper. “I need some 4x4’s, 2 IV sets, a roll of 2” tape and 2 rolls of Curlex.”

“So, how are things at 51’s?” Dixie asked as she began to fill his order.

“Adequate.”

Dixie paused. “Just adequate, Brice? Nothing else?”

Brice blinked, crinkling his eyebrows. “What else is there to say? Everything is adequate.”

Dixie sighed as she turned back to the supply cabinet. You’re quite the conversationalist Craig. Johnny Gage would be talking up a blue streak by now. Her thoughts turned to Johnny. She hadn’t been able to make any headway in convincing Johnny to open up about what he was feeling and that was worrying her greatly. You can’t go on like this forever, Johnny. Sooner or later you have to let the pain out.

******************

Roy watched the floor numbers flip on as the elevator moved up to the fourth floor. He reflected back on his visit with Johnny earlier that morning. His partner had been in good spirits, joking about the hospital food, asking about what was going on at the station, and pretty much anything else that came up. The only thing he didn’t talk about was Tony or anything to do with the accident. Johnny still refused to face it as if the denial would make everything go away. Roy was concerned about what that was doing to his partner. It’s got to be eating you up inside, Johnny.

Roy paused outside the door to Johnny’s room. He took a deep breath as he pushed it open. “Johnny?” he asked, leaning into the room, “you up for a visit?” He stepped inside, concerned at the silence that answered him. “Johnny?” Roy looked hard at his partner.

Johnny was lying back in his bed, head turned, staring out the window. Roy’s second prompt startled Johnny. He jerked his head around and looked at Roy.

Roy’s eyes widened as he stared at his partner. Johnny’s eyes were red and watery. “Johnny…” he started softly.

Johnny plastered a strained smile on his face. “Roy. Come in. How are ya? Brice driving you crazy, yet?”

“I’m fine, Johnny. Brice is Brice, and I’m managing to deal with him for now. Johnny, are you…”

Johnny interrupted him. “Man, I’m sorry you’ve been stuck with him for all this time, but Morton says I can go home soon. Then before you know it I’ll be back to work and you’ll be rid of Brice. Betcha can’t wait, huh?” Johnny flashed his partner a toothy smile.

Roy had had enough. His temper was already short because of Brice and his partner’s behavior just made him snap. Johnny was in denial and someone had to break him out of it. “Damn it, Johnny, stop it! You can’t go on like this forever! You’ve got to face Tony’s death and deal with it! Stop denying it!”

Johnny’s smile faded. “Leave it alone, Roy! Seems to me you’d be relieved that I’m doing so well!” Johnny pointed at his chest emphatically. “Look at me, Roy, I’m over it and going on with my life!”

Roy did look at Johnny and he didn’t like what he saw. His partner’s hand was shaking and his expression was strained. Roy shook his head in anger. “No your not! You’re not over anything. You can’t be over this until you face it and deal with it. You haven’t done that yet! So just stop the act right now. I’m not buying it, Johnny!”

Just then, Kel Brackett charged into the room. “What’s going on here? I can hear you two halfway down the hall! This is a hospital, yelling contests are not allowed.” He glowered at both men, especially Roy.

Roy sighed. “Sorry, Doc. I guess I just lost my temper.” He looked at his partner, who stared back at him coolly. “I’ll see you later, Johnny.”

Johnny just shrugged. “Whatever.”

Kel Brackett walked out of the room with Roy. As the door closed behind them, he grabbed Roy’s arm. “Roy. You should know better than to upset Johnny right now.”

Roy nodded. “I know, Doc. But he’s totally in denial about Tony’s death and I can’t stand to see him that way. This has got to be eating him alive, yet he just goes on like nothing’s wrong. I guess I’d just had enough.”

Brackett pursed his lips. “I understand and I agree with you. But in the future, can you try to find a quieter way to discuss it?”

Roy nodded, smiling slightly. “Yeah. Sorry, Doc.”

Brackett smiled back at him. “That’s okay. If I were in your shoes, I’d probably be the same way.” The hospital PA interrupted them.

“Dr. Brackett to emergency. Dr. Brackett to emergency.”

“See you later.” Kel waved at him as he walked away.

Roy stood there thinking about his partner. He didn’t mean to blow up at Johnny, but someone had to get through to him, somehow. After a moment, he silently walked to the elevator.

Johnny watched as the two men left his room. He was stunned by Roy’s behavior. Johnny had never seen his partner that way, especially towards him. He thought hard about what Roy had said. You’ve got to face Tony’s death and deal with it. Johnny clenched his jaw as he closed his eyes, laying his head back. The image of Tony’s face as he fell once again haunted Johnny. Tony, I…I couldn’t save you. Tears flowed freely down his face.

**********

Roy stepped out of the squad as Brice turned off the engine. He walked up to the front of the apparatus bay and punched the garage door button. Roy paused as he passed the Captains office. Hank was at his desk, sifting through the endless paperwork he was faced with.

Roy reached out, gently knocking on the open door. “Cap, can I talk to you a minute?”

Hank looked up. “Sure, Roy. Anything to get me away from this pile of work.” He gestured towards a chair. “What’s up?”

Roy sat down heavily. “I just came back from seeing Johnny. We had a fight and, well, I’m really worried about him.”

Stanley nodded. “What did you two fight about?”

Roy sighed. “Cap, he’s completely denying Tony Mark’s death. He just won’t deal with it at all and I haven’t been able to convince him otherwise. I guess I just got frustrated at not being able to get through to him because the next thing I knew, I was yelling at him, telling him to stop denying his feelings.”

“What happened then?”

“Well, Brackett came in and broke up the argument, but Johnny and I didn’t leave things on the best of terms. I can’t believe I blew up at him that way. Johnny needs a friend right now, not someone yelling at him.” Roy paused. “I’m not sure what to do next.”

Hank sighed, thinking about the situation. “I think you should go by there after we get off tomorrow and have a talk with him.”

“Cap, maybe I was too hard on him and I should apologize.”

Hank shook his head. “I can’t tell you what to do, Roy, but I don’t think you should apologize for anything. John isn’t facing his problem and as his friend and partner, you need to do whatever it takes to make him face the issue and deal with it, no matter how unpleasant it may be. Talk to him, Roy. Be there for him. Eventually John will open up to you. Just be patient.”

Roy nodded. “Yeah. Thanks, Cap.” Roy stood up and headed for the door.

“No problem, Roy. Come see me anytime.” Hank wa